Back in July of 2013, I made the decision to leave the village I was rping in on a full time basis. From August to December, I wondered around Gorean Sims, not actively taking part in daily rp. I had tried living in two cities and being an active member.
One city though lacked compassion and understanding for rl issues and removed me. At that point I vowed I would not have anything to do with the owners of the city nor rp there anymore. The other city closed before it really opened. Which was a shame as it showed such potential.
After these two attempts I spent my time on Earth as other gorean call it. I contented my self with building odd ball junk and breeding my fennux. I also focused on life changes in rl as I added another little one to the household in April.
I attempted another form of rp in Urban with Vampires and Lycans. That two sadly ended before it even began.
In October of 2014, I decided once more to make a return to Gorean rp. I visited several cities. I joined the new Temos at the end of November and quickly felt like an out cast and was treated poorly by one individual because their friend made poor decisions and left the city. I did not feel right there and decided to leave.
I returned to Sais. Hoping this was what I was missing and longing for in my rp. I enjoyed December and January. I even took to writing the newspaper once more. At the end of the month I released the paper and then the proverbial crap hit the fan.
I faced a nightmare week. I left and returned at the request of many. Something I now feel was not the right decision. I dread going into the city to rp. I fear what will happen if I offend someone or make a wrong choice. I worried about sending out the newspaper. I also limited my rp to times when I knew it would be extremely quiet and slow.
I no longer feel the joy in gorean rp as I once did. It now feels like a chore being forced upon me. I desperately wish to escape.
I had thought it was me who changed and perhaps it is. Perhaps my true self is trying to reclaim a position within SL and what type of rp I will enjoy.
Gor itself has changed from what I first walked into back in 2010. 2015 has me feeling as if I am walking on glass that at any point in time will break and I will fall to my demise. Something no one should feel at all.
I now sit here, wondering if it is time for me to close this door permanently. Never to return and be thankful for the friends I have made along the way.